


Take Me as I Am

by Katef



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-28 16:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13908081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katef/pseuds/Katef
Summary: Blair realises that he is falling in love with his dissertation subject.  Can he persuade Jim to accept him as he is and learn to love him back?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All being well, this story will incorporate 5 prompts as chapters to form a bingo line:  
> 1\. Crush  
> 2\. Attraction  
> 3\. Deep Water  
> 4\. Foreign Exchange  
> 5\. Matchmaker.

**Chapter 1 – Crush**   


Blair lay in his small bed, staring unseeingly at the ceiling above his head as he tried to make sense of his feelings following a particularly disturbed night. It was early yet, even by Jim’s standards, and Blair was trying not to wake his roommate, who certainly deserved a decent night’s rest for once. Although to be fair, the whole of Major Crimes had been under pressure for the last few weeks, Jim seemed to have been landed with one difficult case after another for far too long, and sleep for both sentinel and guide had been in short supply. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for the city of Cascade to attract the weirdest and worst cases imaginable for extended periods, so that, when there was even the slightest let-up in their caseloads, the overstretched detectives greeted the opportunity of a little down-time with sighs of relief. 

And it had to be said that a certain hardworking police observer needed a break also, since mid-terms were fast approaching, and for far too long now he had been running himself ragged trying to deal with his academic responsibilities and be on hand to back Jim up wherever he was needed. 

But if he had hoped to catch up on some quality sleep last night, his overactive mind had had other ideas. 

Breathing slowly and deeply, Blair sought his centre, needing to make sense of the amazing dream from which he had just awoken and trying to ignore the sticky residue on the front of his sleep sweats. 

It wasn’t that he was unused to wet dreams, no sir. He had a fairly active sex life after all, even though it wasn’t anything like as rampant as Jim assumed it was. But he hadn’t had one that good for a while now, and anyhow, his dreams usually involved the type of nubile young lady who was his normal choice of willing bedmate. This one, however, was far more realistic – and exciting – than most, and it was the other dream participant who was causing him such consternation. 

Because it wasn’t some lissom blonde holding him so tenderly in his sleep-fuelled imagination, but his big, buff sentinel cop of a roommate. 

Wow! And man, it had felt _so_ very good! 

On the other hand, Blair couldn’t help but feel desperately troubled, and believed he had good reason. 

As the son of a free-wheeling and open-minded parent, Blair had no problem with the concept of the person being more important than the package. It was just that he loved women, and loved making love to them. That wasn’t to say that he couldn’t admire a handsome stud also. It just wasn’t such an attractive proposition for him as he didn’t see himself as any great catch, which was why he felt that it was incumbent on him to make certain the women he bedded really enjoyed themselves. And why would a studly hunk such as Jim see Blair as attractive? As if the big cop hung that way anyhow, which concept was up there with flying pigs as far as Blair was concerned. Hell, his straight-laced, anal retentive friend would either deck him or throw his ass out of the loft if Blair even so much as hinted that he found the other man attractive in that way. And since Blair was just realising how good it felt to have a real friend and somewhere he could call ‘home’ for the first time in his life, he wasn’t about to jeopardise it by making unwelcome advances. 

Nevertheless, his subconscious obviously wasn’t taking any notice of his logic, which was why he needed to consider the situation with care. 

So, why now? Blair had been living under Jim’s roof for a few months now – far longer than the original ‘week’ – and thus far Blair had managed to keep his unruly thoughts to himself. For sure what he felt for Jim was far more than simple friendship now, and he was already beginning to get a little worried that his objectivity regarding his study subject was slipping a bit. OK, a lot, truth be told. And he certainly admired the man. To see him in action like Blair had over the past few fraught weeks had certainly been an impressive eye-opener. Jim was tough and remorseless, but there was no mistaking his integrity, and Blair felt a certain amount of satisfaction on his own behalf for backing up his sentinel in some fairly hairy circumstances when the senses had made the difference between a successful outcome and a potential disaster. 

Sure, Jim wasn’t perfect. He was also short-tempered and impatient, and more than a few times Blair had felt the lash of his tongue when it wasn’t really called for. Then again, Simon had also used his favourite put-down on more than one occasion, and Blair had smarted under the growled, ‘You’re not a cop, Sandburg!’ But if he wanted to try and carve out a place for himself in the department, Blair knew he’d have to learn to toughen up and stop taking everything to heart, hard though it was for someone with pretty low self-esteem to begin with. 

But back to the case in hand. Hero worship was one thing, and Blair didn’t have a problem with that concept. He considered himself to be incredibly lucky not only to have found a full sentinel at last, but one so charismatic and drop-dead gorgeous also. The problem, if problem it really was, was that now it would appear that he had developed a crush on his hero also. 

So now what? He certainly wasn’t going to act on it. He so didn’t want to upset the status quo when he was having such a great time. He would just have to stomp down firmly on such potentially disruptive thoughts and carry on as normal. Well, normal for him, anyway. And if that meant getting himself a new girlfriend, so be it. Anything to stop him recalling the wonderful feeling of Jim’s powerful arms around him, holding him so carefully and lovingly…. 

To be continued.  



	2. Prompt - Attraction

**Chapter 2: Prompt – Attraction**   


Despite his best intentions, Blair found that the next few days were far from the return to ‘normal’ that he craved. Nights continued to be plagued – in the best possible way – with fantasies involving him and Jim, such that he tried desperately not to sleep until he literally dropped from exhaustion for fear of alerting Jim to his passion-filled dreams. He therefore started to work late into the night, citing overdue papers and plentiful marking in an effort to allay Jim’s suspicions. 

However, since he was also beginning to look frayed around the edges; so much so that even Simon remarked upon it; it was hardly surprising that after a while, Jim called him on it. The sentinel was worried that his guide was burning the candle at both ends trying to juggle his job at the U with helping Jim at the PD, and feared that it might be getting too much. Something would have to give, and he admitted to himself that he was selfish enough to hope it wasn’t abandoning him to deal with the sentinel stuff on his own. Not that he truly believed Blair would do such a thing, but he needed to know for sure. 

One morning, having observed his tousled and exhausted guide dragging himself to the bathroom, Jim tackled the problem head on. When Blair emerged, not looking a whole lot better, Jim handed him a mug of coffee and went on the attack. 

“Chief, you look like death warmed over. And you’re not sleeping worth shit. What’s going on, buddy?” 

_Uh oh! Now what?_ Blair’s thoughts were panicky as he forced his tired brain to crank up its normal high-quality obfuscation mode. And he was certain Jim must be able to hear his heart galloping in his chest. 

“Uh, it’s nothing, Jim. Well, it is,” he continued, with a self-deprecating smirk, “but it’s just that mid-terms start next week, and it seems like every one of my students is going into meltdown. And there’s only one of me, man. But it’ll be better soon, Jim, I’m sure.” 

He was actually telling the truth up to a point, so although still suspicious, Jim did look slightly placated. But then Blair’s scientist’s brain tardily kicked in, and he neatly turned the tables on his roommate. 

“Uh, how did you know I wasn’t sleeping, man? Can you hear me that well?” 

And this time it was Jim’s turn to look sheepish. “Well, yeah, Chief. It’s just that, well, I sort of tune in to you when you’re in bed. Your presence grounds me so I can sleep better knowing you’re safe. I don’t mean to intrude, buddy. I just like to know you’re there.” 

And Blair couldn’t help but feel warm and protected, even if he did also feel over-exposed. Now if only he could get over himself enough to sleep normally again. It had to be done, otherwise the cat would be out of the bag, and he would be out of the loft on his ass. 

To his great relief, the answer arrived in the voluptuous shape of Jilly Prescott, a friend and fellow TA. Jilly was a cheerful and uncomplicated girl who was only too glad to engage in great sex with her accommodating colleague, to their mutual satisfaction, and no strings attached. It was just what Blair needed to scratch his itch, and he was exceedingly grateful to her for it. It didn’t stop him thinking about Jim, but the freely-offered sexual activity eased the physical tension he was under, such that he was able to act normally around his partner once again. 

And if Jim scented sex on him on occasion, or bursts of unintentional arousal, he just put it down to Blair being the table-leg humper of his imagination and left it at that. 

And if he was disappointed on his own behalf, then he never let on to his young partner about it. 

\-----------------------------------  


Over the next few weeks, life continued as normal as far as Jim and Blair were concerned. Although Blair was no longer seeing Jilly on a regular basis; his friend having moved on to pastures new after parting on amicable terms; he was much more in control of his libido around Jim now, force of habit allowing him to maintain their uncomplicated camaraderie. He had almost convinced himself that he was happy with their present level of friendship, when they became involved in another case which bit them both in the ass. 

During their investigation into a series of particularly enterprising jewel heists, Jim became fascinated by one Laura McCarthy, to Blair’s dismay. The beautiful redheaded villainess seemed to hold Jim in thrall, her power over him enough to threaten the whole inquiry. 

And also his comfortable relationship with Blair. 

When Blair had come across the pair going at it hot and heavy in the cloakroom, he hadn’t known where to look. To say he was shocked was an understatement, but not from any prudish point of view. It was just that his long-suppressed desire for Jim was instantly reignited, and the bolt of jealousy that pierced his heart was almost more than he could bear. Although he tried so hard not to let it show, when his theory regarding the sentinel’s susceptibility to pheromones appeared to be right on the nail, he couldn’t help but feel a certain amount of satisfaction even though he knew Jim would be unhappy. And when Jim arrested the woman despite her attempts to seduce him, Blair’s glee was hard to contain. 

And made him feel like shit also, in the face of Jim’s distress. 

He therefore determined that he would try and be the best friend he could be to Jim, and would try never to let such jealousy come between them ever again. 

It was a pity that such noble intentions would prove to be so hard to maintain when his inner guide cried out to be noticed and accepted for what he was.  



	3. Prompt - Deep Water

**Chapter 3: Prompt – Deep Water**   


Time passed, and both men continued to enjoy each other’s company in a determinedly platonic way. They worked together, amassing an impressive list of successes, and they both dated on occasion, and sometimes the women they dated even turned out to be normal, and not criminals. And if their friends at the PD and the U sometimes theorised that the pair was deliberately creating a smoke screen to convince the world that they were just two ordinary bachelors instead of an item, they kept it to themselves. 

Then again, thanks to his sensitive hearing, Jim was aware of the many rumours circulating the PD about the nature of his and Blair’s relationship, but he paid them no mind, as long as Blair didn’t get to hear them also. He was well aware that the younger man was mortally afraid of what might be the consequences of Jim being labelled as a gay cop, even if he had convinced himself that Blair couldn’t possibly be interested in him that way anyway. He certainly didn’t want to give his guide a reason to back away from their partnership on the grounds that his presence was endangering Jim in any way, shape or form. 

As for Blair, he continued to flirt unashamedly with the PD’s female staff, his on-again, off-again relationship with Samantha in Forensics an on-going source of entertainment for everyone in Major Crimes. Everyone except Jim, that was, who would quite happily have wrung the woman’s neck given the opportunity, especially when she had nearly blown the kid’s face off in the lab in spite. 

However, it was inevitable that another situation would arise to set off Blair’s ‘Jim-lust’ again, increasing his growing need to protect the protector in his turn, and stoking the fires of his barely-controlled jealousy.  


\---------------------------------  


The day when a car was unexpectedly pulled out from its watery resting place in Cascade’s bay was the day when Blair learned the facts about another episode in his roommate’s sometimes murky past. Once opened, the trunk revealed the skeletonised remains of Jack Pendergrast, Jim’s first and only previous partner in Major Crimes, plus the body of the kidnap victim he had been accused of killing before absconding with the reward money with which he had been entrusted. Jim had always insisted that Jack would never do such a thing, but to have it proven after all these years had been a great relief, and vindication of his stubborn support for his dead partner’s reputation. 

However, the whole story was both fascinating and upsetting as far as Blair was concerned, even though his own obstinate loyalty to his sentinel was never in doubt. 

He learned of Jim’s arrival in Major Crimes, having transferred from Vice, sporting an attitude and appearance guaranteed to irritate the recently promoted Captain, Simon Banks. Against both of his subordinates’ wishes, he partnered the new arrival with seasoned detective Jack Pendergrast, with orders for Jim to either shape up or ship out. And according to Jim’s telling of it, the plan had worked, and the partnership had thrived despite their differences. 

On the other hand, when the Brackley kidnap situation arose, and Jack was tasked with taking the reward to the kidnappers, Jim had shame-facedly admitted that he was sleeping with Jack’s girlfriend at the time, and had therefore missed his partner’s all-important call for backup. He had never forgiven himself for the betrayal, which had made him even more determined to prove Jack’s innocence. 

It was during the subsequent investigation into Jack and the Brackley boy’s murders that Blair was able to provide invaluable support through coaching Jim in retrospectively recalling the content of Pendergrast’s ill-fated telephone call, and although they were ultimately successful in closing the case, Blair had reason to be both proud of his sentinel’s prowess, and saddened by their lack of progress in the intimacy department. 

Perhaps the only high point as far as Blair was concerned was that his jealousy of Jack’s ex-girlfriend turned out to be unfounded when he and Jim discovered that she was a happily married mother and no longer on the market, so to speak, even if Jim might have wished otherwise. 

In the days following the case, the young guide wistfully recalled being shown the wrecked car, Jim being remarkably open about what his senses could discern about available trace evidence despite the passage of time and the less than satisfactory elements in which the vehicle had lain for so long. He shivered in remembered pleasure / pain the delicious thrill of having Jim take his hand, pressing close as he guided Blair’s fingertips over the roughened metal surface, trying to describe to a mere mortal what sentinel touch could feel. It had certainly been more intimate than the casual, careless pats and touches which Jim usually bestowed upon him, but it turned out to be a one-off after all, with Jim never referring to it again. 

And of course the only other time Blair had been cuddled close in Jim’s arms didn’t count, because at the time Blair was off his head after being overdosed on Golden, and didn’t remember a thing about it. 

So he scolded himself roundly for indulging in pointless daydreaming and told himself to get with the programme. He had apparently forgotten the lessons Naomi had drummed into him throughout his itinerant childhood; that he shouldn’t try and hold on to either people or possessions on account of everything being transient. 

But detaching with love seemed so hard for him now, and he didn’t know how he could retain that carefree and superficial frame of mind when he was enjoying a real home and true companionship for the first time in his life. Despite all Simon’s growling and complaining, Blair actually felt as if he mattered; as if his work at the PD was making a valid contribution to society over and above teaching kids in an academic ivory tower. 

Perhaps Naomi had gotten it all wrong after all, but only time would tell if his take on life would be either sustainable or even desirable.  



	4. Prompt - Foreign Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story diverges from canon from this point, so that Sen Too never happens! :)  
> K x

**Chapter 4: Prompt – Foreign Exchange.**   


“Bloody hell, Sandy, love, are you having a laugh?” The attractive brunette reached over uninhibitedly and cupped Blair’s pink-blushed cheeks in her cool hands, totally ignoring the frowning glower the action elicited from Jim. 

“Um, no, Megan. Really. I mean, it’s as good an answer as anything else, isn’t it?” Blair treated her to one of his best ‘puppy dog-wide-eyed-innocent’ expressions, which in this instance worked like a charm. 

“Oh, go on with you!” she chuckled. “But we’ll talk about this again later, OK? Now, I’m going to the break room for some of that swill you lot call coffee. Care to join me?” 

Blair was half out of his seat already, but Jim was noticeably more reluctant. “Nah, you go ahead Chief,” he muttered. “I think I’m about to be summoned to our leader’s inner sanctum anyway.” 

Sure enough, a familiar bellow rang out. “Ellison! My office, now!” 

As Jim rose to his feet, after receiving a sympathetic grin from his guide, he made his way over to Simon’s office, aware that Blair and Megan were already heading to the break room, no doubt to continue their discussion. 

In the short time since Inspector Megan Connor from Down Under had joined MCU on an officer exchange programme, she had certainly made her mark in the bullpen. Tall and attractive, she had already proved herself to be a damned good cop, and had certainly added colour – and colourful language – to the place. Perceptive and forthright, the outspoken Aussie also had a heart of gold – and a soft spot for Blair in particular, with whom she had become firm friends. 

But for some reason, Jim simply couldn’t stand her. It could have been her abrasive attitude towards him when he was in one of his moods, because instead of running for cover, like most of his colleagues would do in the cause of self-preservation, she got in his face and demanded his attention, especially if she thought he was being less than sympathetic to her ‘Sandy’. 

He did recognise that she was a more than capable detective, but he didn’t have to like her, and he really didn’t want to partner her undercover again any time soon. Pretending to be man and wife in the suburbs had been a real trial, especially with Blair tagging along as their ‘nephew’, and something Jim didn’t care to repeat. 

But perhaps his dislike had deeper roots. Like maybe he was jealous of the attention Blair paid to her rather than exclusively to Jim? And this latest topic she had raised concerning the ‘edge’ she insisted that Jim had, which ensured that his performance was consistently better than most. Now _that_ was worrying, because unlike the rest of the department, she wasn’t about to accept his success rate without question, and he truly hoped that Blair’s powers of obfuscation would be enough to allay her suspicions as regards the senses. He could but hope. 

Sighing in frustration, he shook his head to clear his mind of such uneasy thoughts, and entered Simon’s office, his attention now firmly on his boss and what the man required of Jim this time.  


\--------------------------------------  


Meanwhile, in the break room, Megan and Blair had helped themselves to coffee, and were sitting down to ‘enjoy’ it, if that was the right word to describe their intent. As they were presently alone, Blair knew that Megan was going to continue her interrogation regarding Jim’s ‘edge’, because she was nothing if not persistent. And he just hoped that his explanation would satisfy her enough to let the subject go. 

“So, Sandy,” she began. “I’m not saying that I think Jim’s some sort of Superman. It’s just that I’ve watched him in the field – watched both of you working together – and I’ve never seen anyone pick up on trace evidence like he can. Stuff that the average Joe wouldn’t even see under normal circumstances. He just seems to know instinctively where to look. So, how does he do it? Is he really some sort of psychic, or are you pulling my leg?” 

Blair hated to lie to his friend, but Jim’s secrets weren’t his to tell, and since the sentinel still wasn’t ‘out’ to the rest of the department, he had no option. 

“Well, I guess that’s the best description I can come up with, Megs,” he replied with a wry grin. “I admit I’ve never seen anyone who just seems to know instinctively where and what to look for like he can either. So yes, perhaps his gift could best be explained as some sort of psychic power.” 

Megan’s pretty face was wreathed in smiles rather than wearing the disbelieving frown Blair had half expected. 

“My word, Sandy,” she breathed. “I knew it! I mean, I’ve been to séances and stuff back home, and I’ve had my cards read, and I really think there’s something in it. So if Jimbo’s got the gift, well, good on him! And good on you for telling me. You’re a good mate, Sandy, love. And you’re good backup for Jimbo too.” 

Blair tried to look pleased, although he actually felt ashamed of himself for misleading Megan like that, but he really could do nothing else for Jim’s sake. 

However, it was when Megan turned the topic of conversation around to him and his place in the department that things got even more worrying. 

“So, Sandy, what’s the subject of your paper again? I mean, you must be close to finishing it by now, mustn’t you? What will you do when you get those letters after your name? You surely won’t want to stay on here, will you?” 

“Uh, well, it’s about the dynamics of the PD as a closed society. You know, how they manage to ‘protect and serve’, and stand between us and the bad guys. A ‘thin blue line’ sort of thing,” he replied, thankful that this time he wasn’t actually lying. Not that Jim knew it yet. Blair had decided some time back that he couldn’t write about Jim as a sentinel and be sure of protecting his subject’s anonymity. And he had sure as hell lost his objectivity too. He had therefore changed his topic with his dissertation committee’s approval to the one they had posited as an excuse for Blair to ride with Jim in the first place. He had actually written both papers, but intended the ‘Sentinel’ paper for Jim’s personal use, while the alternative one was now ready for submission. 

But he had been deliberately delaying for as long as possible, simply because he didn’t want to give up his place a Jim’s side yet, and he knew that, once it was submitted, his pass would be pulled, and he would have to face up to the fact that he had no idea where to go from here. 

He had no way of knowing that the very same topic was being discussed in Simon’s office, and couldn’t have been more shocked by the repercussions when he shame-facedly confessed to Megan that his committee had had enough of his delaying tactics, and had demanded that he submit by the end of the week, which was, in fact, in two days’ time.  


\----------------------------------  


Back in Simon’s office, Jim settled comfortably in the chair Simon indicated, and accepted a mug of the captain’s gourmet coffee. The two old friends sipped their brews in companionable silence for a few minutes, until Simon placed his half empty mug down on the desk and fixed Jim with a concerned gaze. 

“OK, Jim, I’m not going to beat about the bush here. I’ve been given an ultimatum, and I can’t see any way around it unless you can help me out. 

“Thing is, man, I need to know if you can manage without Sandburg’s help now? I mean, you seem to have the senses under control now, so surely you don’t need the kid hanging around any longer? 

“Now, don’t get me wrong,” he continued hurriedly, holding up a hand to stave off the angry retort he could see that Jim wanted to make. “I like the kid, and he’s been a great help to you and to the department, although I’d never tell him that. But I’ve just had a meeting with the Mayor, the Commissioner, and Chief Warren, and all of them have said that it’s past time to pull his observer’s pass. I mean, how long does it take to write a dissertation after all? He’s been following you around for years, and even more worrying, has been hurt several times. The next time, he could get killed, and they’re just not prepared to put up with the risk to an unpaid civilian ride-along any longer. 

“So, unless you’re ready to come clean about your senses, he has to go, Jim, and I need to know where that leaves you.” 

Jim’s first instinct was to erupt in fury and tell the captain exactly where he could put his ultimatum, but a second later he realised that it wasn’t Simon’s doing. The man had been more than patient with the whole sentinel deal, and couldn’t be blamed for potentially breaking up the best partnership the PD had ever had. Sighing heavily, Jim rubbed his face with his hand for a moment before looking up to meet his friend’s worried gaze, his own expression bleak. 

“God, Simon. I knew this had to come eventually, but tried not to think about it. You’re right. Blair should have finished the paper long ago, but he told me a while back that he was delaying it so you wouldn’t have a reason to pull his pass. He said that working alongside me in the department was like being on a rollercoaster in comparison to the academic merry-go-round of Rainier, and he didn’t want to give it up. 

“And I have to be honest, Simon. _I_ didn’t want him to give it up either. I’ve gotten used to having him around, and although it’s true that I’ve got pretty good control of the senses under most circumstances now, there are still times when I could zone, and he’s the only one who can pull me out of it. That’s just the way it is between sentinel and guide, sir.” 

Suddenly, before Simon could respond, Jim sat up straighter in his seat, head tilted in an unconscious ‘listening’ pose. He had automatically sent out his senses to seek out his guide as they had been discussing him, and he had just overheard what Blair had told Megan. 

And he was completely incensed. The little bastard was about to pull the plug anyway, and without warning. The paper was done, and Blair would be gone. Thank you and goodnight! 

Jumping to his feet, he met Simon’s astonished glare as he growled, “I think your problem’s about to be solved, sir. And the little shit wasn’t even going to warn me!” 

Before the other man could stop him, he charged out of the office and across the bullpen, bursting into the break room to grab his shocked and white-faced guide and drag him bodily across the corridor to an unoccupied interview room. Shoving Blair inside, he turned and locked the door behind them before turning to face his shaken and trembling prey. 

“What are you doing, man?” Blair gasped. “What’s all this about? I don’t understand! I didn’t tell Megan about the senses, man, I swear it!” 

Prowling threateningly closer, Jim snarled, “Oh, I know you didn’t, _Chief!_ I was listening in. But did you think I wouldn’t hear you telling her about the diss? The _finished_ diss? When were you going to tell _me,_ buddy? After the fact? What happened to your promise to let me read it before you submitted then? Or did you never intend to keep your word? And what happens to me now? Do you even _care?”_

Reaching out, he grabbed Blair by the upper arms and shoved him up against the wall, nearly nose to nose as he registered the taint of fear in Blair’s scent, and the hammering of his heart within his chest. 

But his guide was no wimp, whatever he might claim, and he wasn’t about to back down without a fight. 

“Jim! _JIM!_ Listen to me, man! You’ve got it all wrong! Look, I know I should have told you earlier, but I can explain. Just listen, OK?” 

For a moment, Jim wanted to shake him until his teeth rattled, but the pleading and determination in Blair’s beautiful blue eyes broke through his fury. Easing his grip, he pushed Blair into the nearest chair instead, and pulled up another for himself so they were facing each other, knees touching. 

“OK, Sandburg. Convince me you haven’t shafted me, after all I’ve done for you!” 

Blair took a deep breath to calm and centre himself, and began, using his most persuasive tone. 

“Look, Jim, I had my reasons for doing what I did, but I just need you to hear me out. I wasn’t lying to you when I told you some time ago that I had enough data for several dissertations. And I also wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t want to stop working with you. I’ve had the best time of my life, Jim, and I’ve felt as if I’ve actually achieved something special. And I didn’t want it to stop. 

“But I knew some time back that I’d lost my objectivity with you, man. And I got scared that, if I submitted the sentinel paper, someone might put two and two together and realise who my subject was, even if I didn’t use your name. It was just too risky, man. 

“So I wrote another one. And sat on it for a while until my diss committee ran out of patience. Which they finally did last week. 

“I know I should have told you straight away, man, but just couldn’t seem to find the right moment. I do have the sentinel paper also, Jim, and it really is for you. I truly hope that you’ll find it useful, and will forgive my duplicity this once. 

“See, I still don’t want to get off that rollercoaster, Jim. But if I’m successful with my other paper, and I get my doctorate, I still haven’t figured out how to manage that. 

“And now I guess I’ve burned my bridges with you after all, haven’t I? I’m so sorry, Jim,” and he hung his head in shame. 

Jim truly didn’t know what to think. He simply couldn’t get his head around everything he had heard – and misinterpreted – over the last few fraught minutes. He was shaken to the core by Blair’s revelations, and his reasons for acting as he had, and first and foremost he recognised that he had done his guide a great disservice in assuming that he had betrayed his sentinel. In fact, the opposite was true, and he had been doing his best all this time to do right by Jim. 

And Jim knew that he had never known love like that ever before. Even worse was that he felt totally unworthy of such devotion, so much so that he didn’t know how to react. How could he not have known that Blair loved him like that? Or perhaps he did, but had tried to ignore the fact as being too uncomfortable. Because by admitting it, he would have had to face up to his own deep-seated insecurities, and he hadn’t been ready for that. 

Instead, he’d told himself that Blair ‘didn’t do commitment’ and would leave him eventually anyway, so it was best not to pursue a deeper relationship. 

But it had been years now, and Blair still hadn’t made any moves to leave, so who was it that turned out to be the committed partner after all? 

It was all too much to take in, and he needed time to think. To _process_ it all, as Blair would say. Pushing himself abruptly to his feet, he muttered a garbled apology to Blair and left the room, pushing past Megan and Simon who had been waiting anxiously outside. And as he hurried towards the elevators to make his escape, he heard one last, telling comment from Megan as she comforted his bewildered guide. 

“Does he know, Sandy? Does he know how much you love him?” 

But he was too cowardly – and ashamed – to allow himself to listen for Blair’s reply.   



	5. Prompt - Matchmaker

**Chapter 5: Prompt – Matchmaker**   


“Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, la de da da, la, de da dahhh…” Megan sang quietly as she sat at her desk, unaware at first of the towering presence who appeared at her shoulder. 

“Well, you sound happy this morning!” Simon laughed, making her jump. “But what’s with the ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ stuff? Do _they_ have anything to do with it?” and he nodded to indicate the laughing pair who had just entered the bullpen, their eyes for each other alone. 

Megan’s grin widened as she watched Jim and Blair cross the room, finally looking away from each other long enough to greet their friends. 

“Yep, you could say that, Boss,” she chuckled, returning their cheerful wave. “Not that I had that much to do with it. Just gave them a gentle shove in the right direction.” 

“Well, it certainly worked, Connor, so you ought to pat yourself on the back a bit at least. I certainly didn’t expect their particular story to have such a happy ending!” 

“Too right, sir,” Megan replied, sobering somewhat. “But luckily together they proved to be stronger than we thought, huh?” 

Nodding his agreement, Simon patted her affably on the shoulder, and returned to his office, deep in thought. 

As he poured himself a cup of coffee from his personal machine, Simon allowed himself a few minutes to consider his friends, and think about how they had managed to achieve their goals despite everything the Fates had thrown at them.  


\-----------------------------------  


**Several weeks previously:**  


After Jim had rushed from the bullpen, leaving his stricken guide watching his departing back, Megan had taken it upon herself to try and comfort the young man. Throwing an arm around his shoulders, she steered him back towards the break room, only to have Simon block her path. 

“Bring him to my office, Megan,” he murmured quietly, surprising both Megan and Blair with his unexpectedly kind and understanding tone and expression. 

“I think I need to explain one or two things to you, son, before you go off in search of Jim. And Megan too, if it’s OK with you.” 

Once seated in his office, Simon gave them both a mug of coffee, then met both their bemused gazes with a frank one of his own. 

“First of all, Blair, I need to know what you were telling Megan when Jim took off out of here like a bat out of hell. Does it have something to do with your dissertation?” 

Blair stared at his feet for a long moment before meeting Simon’s warm brown eyes again. 

“Uh, yeah. Yes, Simon. Um, I was just telling Megs that I finished the paper. The one on the ‘Thin Blue Line’,” he emphasised, holding the older man’s gaze in the hope that he would take the hint. 

But Simon wasn’t paid the big bucks for nothing, and he thought he knew where Blair was going with this. Megan still didn’t know about the senses, or the ‘Sentinel’ paper, and that was how it would stay until Jim decided otherwise. 

“OK, son. And congratulations, by the way. But what was the problem?” 

“Well, you see, I actually finished it some time ago, sir, but I didn’t want to give you reason to pull my pass. I…er…believed that Jim still needed me? 

“Anyway, I didn’t tell him either, because I didn’t want him to throw me out. Out of his life. I’ve really loved working here, with him, sir. I know you think I’m a flake, but I believe I’ve done some good stuff. Made a difference, you see? 

“But now I’ve been given a deadline by my diss committee, and I can’t hold out any longer. And if I’m successful, which I think I shall be, I can’t see where to go from here. 

“I mean, if Jim ever forgives me for keeping quiet, I’d like nothing better than to get a job here. Maybe as a consultant of some sort? So I could still ride with Jim. But I need a proper job, Simon. The alternative would be to stay at Rainier and hope to get tenure somewhere down the line. 

“But somehow it just isn’t enough anymore. What am I to do?” and the despair in his voice made both Megan and Simon cringe in sympathy. 

“Well, all I can say, son, is that I feel for you. I was going to tell you what I told Jim, and I still think you need to know. So you can understand why he reacted so strongly like he did. 

“I’d just been taken to task by the Mayor, the Commissioner and Chief Warren for continuing to let you ride with Jim. They’re concerned for your safety as a civilian, and can’t understand why you’re still here, despite accepting the fact that you and Jim are the best team the PD has. But until and unless they learn what it is you do for Jim, they’re adamant that you have to go. 

“Then again, if what you say is true, and you really do want to consider an official role here once you’ve gotten your doctorate, then I’ll see what I can do. 

“But only if it’s something that both you and Jim want, OK? Now,” he continued, holding up his hand to silence any response Blair wanted to make, “don’t say anything yet, son. Let’s get you back to the loft. You too Megan. Because I’m sure that’s where Jim will have gone.”  


\--------------------------------  


Shortly afterwards, the three let themselves into the loft, with Blair gazing anxiously around for signs of his partner. Sure enough, the sliding doors were open, and there stood Jim, out on the balcony. 

Completely zoned. 

“Oh, goddess!” Blair breathed, rushing immediately to Jim’s side, uncaring of what his companions might think. 

As he placed himself in front of the Jim-statue, right up in his friend’s personal space, he began to murmur softly in his ‘guide’ tone, breathing gently up into Jim’s nostrils, and rubbing soothing circles on the powerful chest. 

“Come on, man. Don’t do this, Jim. Megs is here, and looking really worried, Jim. Please, man. Please come back to me!” 

He continued in the same vein until there was a distinct twitch of Jim’s nostrils, and his eyelids fluttered closed for a moment. 

“That’s it, Jim! You’re nearly back! Just a bit more, man!” 

Blair never noticed Simon gently steering Megan from the room. He had noted the signs of Jim’s return to the here-and-now, and knew that Jim would prefer not to have an audience at this time. 

A plausible explanation could be concocted in due course. 

As the door closed softly behind Simon and Megan, Jim’s eyes opened fully, and focussed on his guide. His smile was soft and tender; as was the hand he raised to cup Blair’s cheek. 

“Hey, baby,” he murmured, his eyes conveying all the love that Blair had longed to see for so long. “What are you doing here? And what am _I_ doing here?” 

And just like that, Jim was back; his face washed with a flush of guilt before closing off again. 

“Oh, no,” Blair breathed, bitterly disappointed. “Please, Jim, don’t do this. Don’t shut down on me, man! I love you! I’m _in love_ with you!” and he lowered his face to rest against Jim’s sculpted chest, trying to hide his heartbreak from the man he adored more than life itself. 

It seemed like forever to the grieving guide before Jim’s arm rose uncertainly to encircle Blair’s shaking shoulders. 

“Blair? Chief? What is this? What do you mean, you ‘love me’?” 

“Just what it says, you asshole!” shouted Blair, too upset to care any longer. “I’ve loved you like, forever, man! Why do you think I didn’t want you to know about the diss? I didn’t want to leave you, man! I _couldn’t!”_ and that was the final straw which broke down his last barriers. Lowering his head again, he let the hot tears come, uncaring now what Jim’s reaction might be. He had blown it, and he was out of here whether he wanted it or not. _Eat your heart out, Dr Sandburg!_

Long moments later, a gentle hand cupped his chin and raised his head, to see Jim gazing longingly down at him. And the sentinel’s face wore an expression of such childlike wonder and awe, that Blair stopped his sniffling and tried to smile; tried to convey his appreciation and acceptance of this wonderful, wounded man. 

Tilting his head sideways, Jim regarded his guide for a few minutes longer before breaking into a genuine, loving smile. 

“Thank you, Blair. For believing in me even after I’ve behaved so badly towards you. I love you too, my guide, and I swear I’ll do anything you want to prove it to you. If you can accept me as I am, warts and all, you’ll have my devotion until the day I die. And probably beyond. 

“What do you say?” 

“I say, ‘yes’, my sentinel! If you’ll accept me also, warts and all, I think there’s nothing we can’t achieve. Just believe in me, Jim, as I believe in you. Want to?” 

And Jim chuckled at last, enchanted by his guide’s ingenuousness. This was what he had always wanted, but had been too scared to reach for. Blair loved him, and at last he began to believe that he deserved it. Deserved Blair. 

And from now on there was nothing he wouldn’t do to make his guide happy.  


\----------------------------------  


**Epilogue:**  


As Simon watched his friends interact, he smiled to himself in no little satisfaction. The past few weeks hadn’t been exactly plain sailing for sentinel and guide, but with help from their friends, they had come through. 

Blair had submitted his dissertation, defended it successfully, and was now Dr Sandburg to all his friends’ satisfaction. And once Jim had privately revealed his ability to TPTB, and explained Blair’s role in his successes, they had had no problem with creating a position for the newly-fledged PhD. Blair was now an official consultant to the department, with special dispensation to ride with Jim whenever needed, and the young man couldn’t be happier. And since he had also accepted an offer to teach part-time at Rainier, his academic needs were satisfied also. 

And best of all, Simon knew that they were now together in all things. He didn’t need to know the details, and it wasn’t common knowledge, any more than was the sentinel stuff, but suffice it to say that he was happy for them. As was Megan, who was possibly the only other person in the department that knew their status for sure. 

But she wasn’t telling, and neither would Simon. 

Pulling a file towards him, Simon turned his attention back to business. Yep, this would most certainly be a case for the consideration of his best team, so with a self-satisfied smirk, he stood and opened his office door. 

“Ellison! Dr Sandburg! My office, now!”  


**The End.**


End file.
